I went into this job I was so excited about all weekend long. And they were still being vague and dodgey. Come to find out the reason why, it's because this "marketing firm" sets up shop on the side of the roads and at gas stations and hawks CAR WAX at poor people trying to pump their gas and run away from them. No offense to anyone who might do this but it was... completely misrepresented to me.
I'm so disappointed right now I can't write anymore.
Monday, April 28, 2008
Thursday, April 24, 2008
The menagerie of my home
Thought I would share the animals that make my housekeeping efforts all the more inefficient.
Dixie
Cooper
And my darling little pain in the butt: Onyxia
Dixie
Cooper
And my darling little pain in the butt: Onyxia
ZOMG an interview?
So I have an interview tomorrow. Not an application fill out, not a resume drop off, a walk in, sit down, talk with the hiring dude interview. For a full time, 8-5, Mon-Fri job. Oh man... how awesome would it be to have a full time job again?
*is nervous*
*is nervous*
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Cigarettes and coffee... a thought
I think, personally, that cigarettes and coffee were made to be enjoyed together. They don't seem quite right, one without the other, anymore.
Yes, yes, I know that I'm a horrible dirty smoker. One of those nasty habits I picked up in college when I was overly stressed about things that didn't even deserve a moment of attention... but I guess that's the way college is nowadays. You don't go to college for schooling, you go to college to try and grow up. And generally you do grow up, but usually not quite in the way you wanted, and in no way the manner you thought. Classes tend to get in the way of your growing process. I suppose that's why I stopped going. I can grow up on my own time and I don't need to fork over thousands of dollars just to live in a commune of people my own age, which doesn't, in any way, mirror the demographic of people I will likely be living in company with for the rest of my life.
In short, college was awesome, as much as college sucked. As one of my dear friends put it, "It was one of the best times in my life that I would never, for any reason or circumstance, ever live again."
But of course, one of the nasty little habits that held over from there was smoking (though I smoke more now than I ever did back then). Over active and destructive drinking, I thankfully left behind me. Now... I don't know really why I do it now, other than I find it relaxing. It helps me de-stress and handle things in life. The little things that would otherwise eat away at me. So I am quite confident that now is not the time to quit smoking, and as detrimental as it is to my health, it is something that I find very comforting. And health is one of those things that will fail from the very second it begins. Should I quit something that I find relaxing just to preserve a health that is failing anyway?
Who knows, but it's definately time for another cup of coffee.
Yes, yes, I know that I'm a horrible dirty smoker. One of those nasty habits I picked up in college when I was overly stressed about things that didn't even deserve a moment of attention... but I guess that's the way college is nowadays. You don't go to college for schooling, you go to college to try and grow up. And generally you do grow up, but usually not quite in the way you wanted, and in no way the manner you thought. Classes tend to get in the way of your growing process. I suppose that's why I stopped going. I can grow up on my own time and I don't need to fork over thousands of dollars just to live in a commune of people my own age, which doesn't, in any way, mirror the demographic of people I will likely be living in company with for the rest of my life.
In short, college was awesome, as much as college sucked. As one of my dear friends put it, "It was one of the best times in my life that I would never, for any reason or circumstance, ever live again."
But of course, one of the nasty little habits that held over from there was smoking (though I smoke more now than I ever did back then). Over active and destructive drinking, I thankfully left behind me. Now... I don't know really why I do it now, other than I find it relaxing. It helps me de-stress and handle things in life. The little things that would otherwise eat away at me. So I am quite confident that now is not the time to quit smoking, and as detrimental as it is to my health, it is something that I find very comforting. And health is one of those things that will fail from the very second it begins. Should I quit something that I find relaxing just to preserve a health that is failing anyway?
Who knows, but it's definately time for another cup of coffee.
Monday, April 21, 2008
Why do dogs eat dirt?
I can't seem to understand it. I live with two very playful, very wonderful labradors, but for some reason, whenever I let them out in the back yard, they make a beeline for the big patch of open dirt in the back yard and start eating it. They don't DIG in it, mind you, but straight up eat it. It can't taste that good... it just can't.
Though on the bright side, the day is beautiful, the birds are chirping, the cars aren't sounding overly obnoxious. I paid the bills today. It's a good feeling to be able to do that, but not so good a feeling when you have to wait til the next pay check to pay the next round. One day at a time I suppose. And if it has to be one day at a time, then I suppose I could've picked a much worse day to enjoy than today.
...even if I am busy dodging bees.
Though on the bright side, the day is beautiful, the birds are chirping, the cars aren't sounding overly obnoxious. I paid the bills today. It's a good feeling to be able to do that, but not so good a feeling when you have to wait til the next pay check to pay the next round. One day at a time I suppose. And if it has to be one day at a time, then I suppose I could've picked a much worse day to enjoy than today.
...even if I am busy dodging bees.
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
Success?
Well, application/resume have both been turned in and I am still alive. Though if I had a dollar for every app I turned in, I would stop looking for a job. *sigh* You know, I really wish that there was some kind of protocol for if you decide not to hire someone, call them and let them know. This "we'll call you" bull is really getting on my nerves.
Monday, April 7, 2008
Sometimes all it takes is someone to talk to
To take care of my earlier promise, the book that I referenced in the previous post was Finding Your Own North Star by Martha Beck. I highly recommend it for anybody who feels like their life isn't going quite the direction that it probably should in order to be happy.
My earlier funk, while not quite disappeared, has lessened enough for me to be able to live through it (or stuff it back down somewhere and deal with it later?) . Apparently riding around in the car with my boyfriend, throwin' back some cigarettes and taking one of those late night Wal-mart strolls (you know, the kind where you go half to look at whatever they're selling, and half to just watch the people who are shopping) are really good for the psyche.
I know that whatever issues I have will need to be worked out, but its times like these when I am incredibly thankful for having my boyfriend here. Whatever it is I have to deal with, I don't have to deal with alone. I know that a lot of the time, he's not going to be able completely understand the way I feel or why I feel it, but... at least he's there for me. I can't imagine now what it would be like to not have him around. This blog would probably get much more harassed.
My earlier funk, while not quite disappeared, has lessened enough for me to be able to live through it (or stuff it back down somewhere and deal with it later?) . Apparently riding around in the car with my boyfriend, throwin' back some cigarettes and taking one of those late night Wal-mart strolls (you know, the kind where you go half to look at whatever they're selling, and half to just watch the people who are shopping) are really good for the psyche.
I know that whatever issues I have will need to be worked out, but its times like these when I am incredibly thankful for having my boyfriend here. Whatever it is I have to deal with, I don't have to deal with alone. I know that a lot of the time, he's not going to be able completely understand the way I feel or why I feel it, but... at least he's there for me. I can't imagine now what it would be like to not have him around. This blog would probably get much more harassed.
I was reading a book today. I'll find the title and author of it and post them as well just in case anyone would find it of any use, but it stated that emotional scars are like shrapnel in your psyche. It went on to say that just as with physical injuries, without proper care of your psychological wounds, your body would not function properly in anything else. It is apparently like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound and then trying to go about one's daily life regularly.
The only reason I mention something like this is because today I was supposed to walk down the street and hand in my resume for a local business and wen I was walking down the street to do just that, I froze. It wasn't as if my feet stopped being able to move, but it may as well have been just that. I just got this overwhelming sense of dread, like I wasn't supposed to be there, doing that, at that specific time.
I know it was silly, and I'm going to turn back around tomorrow and actually go through with the process I was supposed to complete today. It just made me stop and wonder. My happiness has been such a fragile thing for awhile now. While there's no reason I can think of for it being so... who's to know? I think it's time to go looking for shrapnel, I suppose. But if there's anything there, and I do find it, will I have the time and means to deal with it, or just let it keep sitting there?
Just a thought.
The only reason I mention something like this is because today I was supposed to walk down the street and hand in my resume for a local business and wen I was walking down the street to do just that, I froze. It wasn't as if my feet stopped being able to move, but it may as well have been just that. I just got this overwhelming sense of dread, like I wasn't supposed to be there, doing that, at that specific time.
I know it was silly, and I'm going to turn back around tomorrow and actually go through with the process I was supposed to complete today. It just made me stop and wonder. My happiness has been such a fragile thing for awhile now. While there's no reason I can think of for it being so... who's to know? I think it's time to go looking for shrapnel, I suppose. But if there's anything there, and I do find it, will I have the time and means to deal with it, or just let it keep sitting there?
Just a thought.
Sunday, April 6, 2008
Intro to wonderings, and first idle thought.
I'm just a normal girl living in southern Alabama. I wouldn't call myself or my life average, but then again, the word average hardly applies to anyone when you think about it. I began this blog today (I think it's April 7th by now) as a way to not only express myself in writing, but also to vent some of my random thoughts so that maybe they will stop plaguing my brain.
As a bit of a background, I am in my early twenties and live with my boyfriend and my brother. We share the house with two labradors and a black tabby cat. My brother's significant other is off serving the country at the moment, but still comes home and visits with us as regularly as is possible. As many living beings as there are in this house, it somehow never feels crowded and generally just feels like home. My boyfriend and I have been here for two months now and it just seems like comfortable living. A simpler life, I'm slowly observing, can be just as enjoyable as a very intricate one. It's also, I might add, a great deal cheaper.
Today (or was it yesterday now? Eh it doesn't matter. April 6th, for reference) the household all ventured out to the park to celebrate and support the local Pride/Equality for Alabama observation day. It was somewhat subdued but it was a beautiful day. There was much sitting in the grass, beer drinking, and generally just enjoying the company. We tend to gravitate more towards the bohemian, open-minded, free-spirited folks. And as one might imagine in southern Alabama, that group is somewhat limited. Yet limited thought it is, it still is refreshing.
In short summation, it was a great day. One of those days where you don't worry about whatever troubles you have going on in your life. A day when life exists in a very small sphere of space with a very select group of people, and while you could think of things that would make it better, they're not so important that you need bother yourself over. It was, in fact, that very feeling that inspired me to write this blog. Thought it was the events that occurred after I decided to write that is the inspiration for my first blog.
You ever sit around on Youtube? Wandering around the site online and just randomly finding funny or interesting or strange and bizarre things. My boyfriend and I were doing just that when somehow we managed to run across quite a few posts dealing with the Westboro Baptist Church. Now, I personally can't help but see the irony in running across this group when I had recently come home from an equality gathering. For those who don't know, the Westboro church is based out of Topeka, Kansas, and takes the practice of its beliefs to a level that even the religious of my acquaintance would dare take it. And as someone who grew up in the deep south, I've seen alot.
This group of people practice a religion of hatred. It is their most fervent belief that God is very vengeful, and very hateful, and practices his hate on a broad scale. To these practitioners, God's hate is expressed on homosexuals, Jews, Catholics, and a slew of others. They openly damn America as an entire country, believing that natural disasters, war, and terrorist attacks, are all directly connected to God's wrath at America. His anger, they believe, is directly on the United States because the country enables a homosexual way of life. They take their words of hatred and intolerance on the roads across the country. They begin the brainwashing of their children at birth and live a very secluded life. It is no wonder that they live that way, as a large portion of the people they would come in contact with would likely threaten them harm.
I suppose my confusion comes in when I can spend an entire day among my equals, enjoying their conversation, intelligence, talents, and humors, and then come home to hear raving, yelling, about these people who I was just enjoying the company of, and how we are all going to hell, because for some inexplicable reason, God hates us. Setting aside of course the highly controversial subject of whether or not God exists, and if so how, and why, and under what doctrine (yeah, not touching that with a ten foot pole), one would have to wonder and what point in time would God decide, after allowing us free will, to then HATE us for the choices that we make with it.
One of the leading member of this organization stated that this life on earth is a vapor, and that eternity lies beyond it. In essence that our vapor of a life here will determine how we will live out an infinite time. I can't help thinking, as I watched her say this, flanked by her two daughters (both wearing "Godhatesfags.com" t-shirts), that if my life is a short vapor in which I live, before forever, and I have been given this gift to choose for myself, to think for myself, to use this mind and this heart and this soul that God or Allah or Shiva or The Great Pumpkin gave me, before my soul is surrendered to the great beyond, is it so outlandish to think that I will use them? Is it wrong that it upsets me when these people talk about how this life doesn't matter, when I have always felt, in my heart, that this life is a gift? If God hypothetically exists, and has given me this life, and these abilities, would it not then in turn upset God if I didn't use them?
It does not take thought or heart to memorize and manipulate written word into what you want to see. In fact, most of us do it every day. When I look at these people, with their message, I just... I can't help but see speakers hooked up to one big radio. Fred Phelps (the leader of this "church") is one huge radio, and everyone in his church is a very large, very empty speaker, repeating only what the radio tells it to. I could be wrong, but you know, that's just what I see. I see the very same message from different mouths, in such an exact way that I can't see where this message has been taken to heart and applied to a daily life. It seems that the message rules their lives to the point where their lives are not their own any more. And while that is something I can respect, what I can't respect is publicly slandering people for their decision to use the gifts and talents they were given, and to live as their heart and mind beckon them to.
I suppose... my point is: Believe what you want to believe. But you keep that in your home and in your church and out of my face when what you believe in is stirring up anger and hatred in the fellow man around you.
As a bit of a background, I am in my early twenties and live with my boyfriend and my brother. We share the house with two labradors and a black tabby cat. My brother's significant other is off serving the country at the moment, but still comes home and visits with us as regularly as is possible. As many living beings as there are in this house, it somehow never feels crowded and generally just feels like home. My boyfriend and I have been here for two months now and it just seems like comfortable living. A simpler life, I'm slowly observing, can be just as enjoyable as a very intricate one. It's also, I might add, a great deal cheaper.
Today (or was it yesterday now? Eh it doesn't matter. April 6th, for reference) the household all ventured out to the park to celebrate and support the local Pride/Equality for Alabama observation day. It was somewhat subdued but it was a beautiful day. There was much sitting in the grass, beer drinking, and generally just enjoying the company. We tend to gravitate more towards the bohemian, open-minded, free-spirited folks. And as one might imagine in southern Alabama, that group is somewhat limited. Yet limited thought it is, it still is refreshing.
In short summation, it was a great day. One of those days where you don't worry about whatever troubles you have going on in your life. A day when life exists in a very small sphere of space with a very select group of people, and while you could think of things that would make it better, they're not so important that you need bother yourself over. It was, in fact, that very feeling that inspired me to write this blog. Thought it was the events that occurred after I decided to write that is the inspiration for my first blog.
You ever sit around on Youtube? Wandering around the site online and just randomly finding funny or interesting or strange and bizarre things. My boyfriend and I were doing just that when somehow we managed to run across quite a few posts dealing with the Westboro Baptist Church. Now, I personally can't help but see the irony in running across this group when I had recently come home from an equality gathering. For those who don't know, the Westboro church is based out of Topeka, Kansas, and takes the practice of its beliefs to a level that even the religious of my acquaintance would dare take it. And as someone who grew up in the deep south, I've seen alot.
This group of people practice a religion of hatred. It is their most fervent belief that God is very vengeful, and very hateful, and practices his hate on a broad scale. To these practitioners, God's hate is expressed on homosexuals, Jews, Catholics, and a slew of others. They openly damn America as an entire country, believing that natural disasters, war, and terrorist attacks, are all directly connected to God's wrath at America. His anger, they believe, is directly on the United States because the country enables a homosexual way of life. They take their words of hatred and intolerance on the roads across the country. They begin the brainwashing of their children at birth and live a very secluded life. It is no wonder that they live that way, as a large portion of the people they would come in contact with would likely threaten them harm.
I suppose my confusion comes in when I can spend an entire day among my equals, enjoying their conversation, intelligence, talents, and humors, and then come home to hear raving, yelling, about these people who I was just enjoying the company of, and how we are all going to hell, because for some inexplicable reason, God hates us. Setting aside of course the highly controversial subject of whether or not God exists, and if so how, and why, and under what doctrine (yeah, not touching that with a ten foot pole), one would have to wonder and what point in time would God decide, after allowing us free will, to then HATE us for the choices that we make with it.
One of the leading member of this organization stated that this life on earth is a vapor, and that eternity lies beyond it. In essence that our vapor of a life here will determine how we will live out an infinite time. I can't help thinking, as I watched her say this, flanked by her two daughters (both wearing "Godhatesfags.com" t-shirts), that if my life is a short vapor in which I live, before forever, and I have been given this gift to choose for myself, to think for myself, to use this mind and this heart and this soul that God or Allah or Shiva or The Great Pumpkin gave me, before my soul is surrendered to the great beyond, is it so outlandish to think that I will use them? Is it wrong that it upsets me when these people talk about how this life doesn't matter, when I have always felt, in my heart, that this life is a gift? If God hypothetically exists, and has given me this life, and these abilities, would it not then in turn upset God if I didn't use them?
It does not take thought or heart to memorize and manipulate written word into what you want to see. In fact, most of us do it every day. When I look at these people, with their message, I just... I can't help but see speakers hooked up to one big radio. Fred Phelps (the leader of this "church") is one huge radio, and everyone in his church is a very large, very empty speaker, repeating only what the radio tells it to. I could be wrong, but you know, that's just what I see. I see the very same message from different mouths, in such an exact way that I can't see where this message has been taken to heart and applied to a daily life. It seems that the message rules their lives to the point where their lives are not their own any more. And while that is something I can respect, what I can't respect is publicly slandering people for their decision to use the gifts and talents they were given, and to live as their heart and mind beckon them to.
I suppose... my point is: Believe what you want to believe. But you keep that in your home and in your church and out of my face when what you believe in is stirring up anger and hatred in the fellow man around you.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)