Dark Waltz - Hayley Westenra. Check it out. It makes my heart smile. Broadly.
Time to get off my ass I guess. I had an epiphany yesterday. Or as my best friend calls it, I had a "beat yourself to a pulp" session. Either way, it was equally as productive.
Not like you lovely readers (readers? Where?!) really care, but my life has been an up down and all around seesaw ever since I was about 15 of being happy, waiting to be happy, and being miserable. Not necessarily all in that order.
My epiphany was that I blamed the bumps and bruises of my past for those. And while that's TRUE, I let myself be beat down by it, wallowing, in a sense. And I realized yesterday that being stronger than that is more or less an act of will. Don't get me wrong, it's a big act of will lol. But that's all that stands between me and the Mary that I want to be. Me. So it's time for Mary kicking her own butt. Because that's the only thing that's worked in the past.
Time to stop moving around the world trying to find a place my troubles can't reach me. Not this time. It's got nothing to do with where I am, and everything to do with who I let myself turn into. It makes me unhappy. I don't fault myself for it. It was a defense mechanism. But it outlasted its usefulness years ago. Time to get rid of it.
It's also time to stop smoking. That is a nasty remnant of when those times hit me really hard. I don't think I'll be able to completely get rid of my problems with that little reminder. (not to mention they're expensive as hell and horribly bad for you)
So, to anyone who reads or cares, it's a new Mary I hope. I hope I hope.
I'm better than the person I've become. Time to start acting like it.
