3 months after the move from Tampa. I'm still unemployed.
The bank screwed me over... again. A mysterious and unrecognized $25 charge (and $35 overdraft) just drove my account deeper in the hole. What the hell happened? I've been trying to be so responsible...
Responsible it seems, is not enough. What kind of world is it when people who are trying to be decent and responsible are only putting $10 of gas at a time in their car, and shopping the reduced for quick sale groceries, while people who harass other innocent folks at a gas station, pushing car wax on them, are pulling in hundreds of dollars a day? And trust me, folks, these guys are not the cream of the crop of today's society. One was imprisoned (a few times) for assault... and the other should have been... but hadn't. Probably because she was an attractive girl with an acute awareness of what her assets could do for her.
Boyfriend gives talks daily about how it can't go on like this for much longer. I am well aware. I tell him I can do nothing but try. But I have been trying. I suppose I can... try harder. "I wasn't gonna say it but..." he replies.
What a knife through the heart. He loves me and cares for me but... obviously thinks I'm just not trying hard enough. Maybe I would try a little harder if my self confidence wasn't being beaten down day by day by the only job offers I'm getting... which are no more legitimate than the others I already tried.
Do I have to be unhappy just to keep living? Do I have to take a job that mentally breaks me down and sends me home crying, just so I can come home to a house with a boyfriend who isn't stressed out? Who gives me a calm... peaceful atmosphere to cry myself to sleep?
I'm being dramatic. I'm always dramatic. Or so they tell me.
2 comments:
Ah, darling girl, I wish things were better for you.
A bit of wisdom I have learned during my many years of living *smile*
You are thinking much worse of yourself than Boyfriend, I will bet on it. He knows how hard it is. Keep at it, things will work in the end.
Things are beginning to fall into the places they need to be in. And I am very glad. A long and slow journey, but one that I hope is better than where I started.
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